Have you ever had one of those days where someone asks what’s wrong and you genuinely don’t know how to answer?
Because it’s not one thing.
It’s work. You’re tired. The house is a mess. You’ve got things you should have done weeks ago. Someone needs something from you. You’ve not seen your friends enough. You’re annoyed at yourself for being annoyed.
And somewhere in amongst all of that you start thinking…
I’m just not happy with my life.
That’s a pretty big conclusion to come to.
And sometimes it’s true. There are times when life really does need to change.
But sometimes your whole life isn’t the problem at all.
One part of it is taking up so much space that it’s started to colour everything else.
Think about work, for example.
If you’re unhappy at work, you don’t magically stop being unhappy with it when you close your laptop or walk out the door.
You think about it on Sunday night.
You replay that conversation in the car.
You’re already irritated before Monday morning arrives.
You get home tired, so you can’t be bothered doing anything. Then you feel guilty because you’ve done nothing. Your patience gets shorter. You stop making plans because you’re knackered.
A work problem has now wandered into your evenings, your relationships, your weekends and the way you feel about yourself.
So eventually, “I hate my job” can start feeling a lot like “I hate my life.”
And it doesn’t have to be work.
Maybe it’s a relationship that hasn’t felt right for a long time.
Maybe money is constantly sitting at the back of your mind.
Maybe you’ve lost confidence in yourself.
Maybe you’ve spent years looking after everyone else and somewhere along the way you disappeared from your own priority list.
Whatever it is, when something takes enough out of you, everything else starts feeling harder too.
That’s when we tend to do something really unhelpful.
We decide we need to fix everything.
Get fitter. Sort the house. Change jobs. Save money. Be more organised. See friends more. Sort the relationship. Get our confidence back.
Excellent.
We were overwhelmed before and now we’ve given ourselves nine new projects. 😂
This is why I think there’s a much better question than:
“What’s wrong with my life?”
Ask yourself:
“What’s taking the most out of me right now?”
That question is different.
It doesn’t ask you to judge your whole life.
It asks you to get curious about where the pressure is actually coming from.
You might realise your relationship is actually okay, you’re just bringing home the stress from work.
Or that work isn’t the biggest issue at all. You’ve lost confidence and it’s affecting how you feel everywhere.
Or perhaps nothing is dramatically wrong, but you’ve been doing so much for everyone else that there’s almost nothing left in your week that feels like yours.
You don’t need to have the answer immediately.
But try separating things out.
Work. Relationships. Family. Money. Health. Confidence. Friendships. Fun. Your sense of direction.
Don’t lump them together under “my life.”
Look at them individually.
Some might actually be pretty good.
Some might need a bit of attention.
And there may be one that makes you think, Yep. That’s the one.
Because “everything is wrong” leaves you with absolutely no idea where to start.
“This is the part that’s really getting to me” gives you somewhere to begin.